北京室外已经冷到我无法容忍的地步。很早就订好了离开的票，现在却希望这一刻就逃离这里。

 

最近太忙了。过了一个极简的圣诞，和同学在SOHO吃了顿家乡菜。明年的前三个月肯定是大败金的三个月，所以在北京的生活就一切从简了。

 

这里的节日气氛一点也不浓，全被刮进凛冽的北风中。我满心期待的是2007年的到来。

 

至于2006，真的过地很快。发生了很多具备转折和决定性意义的事情。遇到了很多人也和很多人说再见。开始过一种在不同城市之间穿梭的生活。可以独自承受的东西变多了，虽然背后永远有着父母最坚强的后盾。不管怎么样，终究是在慢慢长大了。

 

我觉得自己还是要感谢北京。感谢现在的学校。感谢这里丰富的资源让我更加近距离地接触我以后要工作的圈子，接触到那些以前耳熟能详的响当当的名字背后真实的脸孔。感谢这里让我还可以继续以一个学生的身份自由地把握那些属于年轻的东西。

 

具体就不在这里流水账了。总之，这一年很多不可磨灭的记忆在心里。

 

祝大家2007快乐。

Finally confirm all my flights next month and the visa to Turkey, mess up these days.

 

论文一大堆,要办的手续一大堆,还要在离开北京之前见几个朋友.

 

圣诞节要来了我却一点感觉都没有,原本在中国过圣诞就是很无聊的一件事情.北京今年没有下雪,白色圣诞节肯定没指望了,23和24号估计还是会混在建外SOHO和工体,北京稍微像点样子的地方.

 

AIESEC的朋友们都match地差不多了,去India,Africa,Latin America和Europe的都有,在这里祝贺各位match成功的朋友们,回来一定要交流心得哦!

 

通过这几天和朋友的聊天以及讨论再次确定自己很讨厌过度自恋的人. 并且再次确定了人的确是一种很贱的物种,只是贱的程度问题.要尽量和太贱的贱人保持距离.不论男女.

 

RTL的Boss快快打电话给我!Sony&BMG的career shadow day时间快快定下来,最后2件依旧悬而未决的事情了. 我要慢慢培养自己的耐心. 最近在修炼过程中发现看书是个好方法.

 

估计还会再写2006年最后一篇博客,也赶个潮流盘点一下,至于明年,肯定会很不一样. 期待~~~哈哈.

最近一直在看书,看电影. "豆瓣"上的评论越来越多.昨天终于看了这本《恋爱地图-ABOUT LOVE》.

 

一如既往是我喜欢的类型.陈柏霖是从《蓝色大门》就开始喜欢的男生,尽管这次没有和易智言合作,但"东京篇"的表现依然非常出彩;伊东是标准的大美女,气质身材五官均一流,和小弟弟陈柏霖的搭档更显得这份感情的独特.而台北篇则张力十足,范晓萱的表演让本身单薄的故事因为人物热烈的情感而变得饱满.而上海篇的色调,取景则是我最喜欢的,那些熟悉的弄堂老房子,泰康路的天井,红色的自行车......再次让我陷入深深的怀念......李晓璐爱上了那个粉红色的男孩,一直很安静却很真挚的爱,我喜欢这种安静的爱,平静之中蕴藏着巨大的力量.

 

ABOUT-LOVE讲述的是关于青春的爱情故事.也许出于内心对campus love的恋恋不舍,这部电影引起了我很大的共鸣,想起还是十几岁的时候,爱一个人的感觉. 像陈柏霖一样,为她画很多张素描;像范晓萱一样,一遍又一遍地在墙上写" I miss him"; 像李晓璐一样,把自己和他的衣服晾在一起,然后再看着它们一起在风中飘扬.

 

因为年轻我们曾经彼此伤害,但可贵的是多年后仍能并肩前行.年轻的时候我们都在不经意间伤害过很多人,但留给青春的印记却因此而变得清晰.

 

也因为年轻,我们游走在不同的城市之间,遇见和告别一个又一个的人.东京,台北,上海,好象一个拼图,按着地图索骥着走,留下痕迹,成了一个三角形. 隐匿着无数根构成多边形的线.不停地牵扯.

 

有一句台词,关于相遇的:

 

"你也会在地图上和我相遇吗?会吗?会吗?!但是有时候我会不舍得.不舍得相遇,也不舍得错过你."
　　　　
多年后,曾经见证爱情的东西全部一一化为灰烬,留给我们的只有怅然若失和怀念.

 

以及小说中常出现的那句台词:" 有个傻瓜爱过你."

 

你会怀念那个傻瓜吗?

 

 

看安安的Blog,和她现在男朋友的Blog,突然就有些想哭.不知道为什么最近总是哭,呵呵太不争气了.

 

她叫他安一,他叫她宝贝.他在他的文字里写对她的眷恋,她在她的文字里写对他的依赖.她每天做不同的菜等他回来,他每天在外面,奔波的时候,想到她的笑,便也能会心的笑出来.

 

还记得安安上一个博客.那时的她在另一段恋爱中,但我从未看过她写出如现在一般温暖的文字.那时的她为那个男人,在付出,失望,期盼,开心,猜测,等待当中轮回.那也是爱.一种很自虐的体会,仿佛为了证明自己尚还存在爱的能力,仿佛用牺牲的伟大来崇高着自己的灵魂.那时的她,文风很像早期的安妮,如黑色罂粟花般忧郁和颓废的文字.

 

我曾经陪她一起哭,一起笑,看她经历那些痛楚和悲伤,再看着她慢慢从那些纠结的轮回中挣脱出来.

 

上次在KFC见到他们,我完全无法体会她所传达给我的幸福感.而现在我终于明白了.

 

我曾经跟安安说,学这个专业这么久,难免沾点文艺的气息.可大部分男人不理解.于是我们就在自己的幻想与失落中过了一天又一天.

 

而今的她,终于找到了自己的幸福.我还站在路口,继续等待徘徊着.不知道下一站漂向哪里,也不知道哪里会出现那个对的人.

 

祝福安安.

I hate myself so much. 从上海回来后,不知为何一直魂不守舍...今天终于出事了.

 

在西单吃饭的时候丢了包.顶多有五分钟的时间没有看着它,它就不见了.我亲爱的白色小包,里面装着我的W800C,Credit Card,some cash,和一串钥匙.就这样离开了我.打电话打到手机上,一开始还是通的,后来就关机了.餐厅工作人员借了电话给我,我很平静地一一把卡都挂失了,再很平静地坐在座位上,终于最后还是忍不住哭了.

 

给爸爸打了电话,爸爸说那你再去买一个吧只是不要买那么贵的了,虽然这个月我已经很节约了,但是我不得不承认自己还是一个超级败家的人！宠物和婉婉都说我的穿着打扮在北京就有着让人感觉很容易偷的气质.我也不想再恨北京了,我该恨的是自己.

 

但很快我还是很平静地站起来,对餐厅的人道了谢,他们找了派出所的人来让我去登记,我没有去,而是提着我的战利品(一大堆6ixty&8ight的underwear,和新买的衣服鞋子以及一些Gifts...)无比平静地坐地铁回来了.

 

第一次去上海的时候,逛街逛到把钱包忘在柜台,结果被工作人员给寄回来了;第二次是在机场找不到证件,结果回北京以后在某个购物袋里又找到了;这一次,是在北京,还是逛街的时候,包被人偷了.

 

婉婉说以后就算给我当保姆也不能让我一个人上街了.我也不知道自己到底怎么了,事实上最近其他的一切都很顺利,Turkey的AN拿到了,户口身份证办好了,Bertelsmann给了我新的Job,老板还是Harvard毕业的ABC......快考完试了,快到圣诞了,快回上海过生日了,一切好像都很好,但是我到底在低落和郁闷什么呢???

 

很想把给某人买的礼物扔了,很想冷静下来好好想想自己出了什么问题.晚上宠物生日,要去多喝点.

 

现在我很想爸爸妈妈,很想贝贝,很想自己快点恢复正常.

 

还好有婉婉,宠物和大宝在,你们帮了我太多.有你们真好.

 

但还是很恨我自己.

 

Honestly, I hate myself so much.

因为一个奇怪的Hotmail病毒，我意外地收到了很多朋友的问候。都是南方的朋友们，很多人都已经许久时间不联络，却给我温暖又亲切的关怀。

 

一个人在北方，时间长了也慢慢习惯独乐乐的感觉。昨天晚上北京很大很大的雾，我独自奔跑在零下三度的雾中，突然有一种豁然开朗的感觉。

 

不能免俗地提到这本书，《人生若只如初见》。最近大家都在谈论它，便也去买了一本来看。看着看着突然想到消失在自己生命中的那些人。心里觉得有些感伤，虽然时间已经让自己逐渐习惯慢慢淡忘，现实的无奈和命运的玩笑让我无法抵抗，终究，还是找不到你了。

 

也慢慢习惯于不再解释。有些人若已经对你抱有成见，那么做地再多，再解释，都还是错。只有对自己和明白自己的人，是无愧于心的。

 

不属于我们的终究还是会走的。不经意想起朋友给我讲的她的故事。她和他，从相谈甚欢到第一次见面，用了整整2个月的时间；从无话不谈到什么也不说，只用了一天时间。也不知道是什么样的误会，让他们无法再回到从前。她说她还记得他们第一次见面那个下雨的晚上，他脸上些许羞涩的表情，和眉宇间点点的轻狂。她最近也在看这本书，她不知道他最近怎样了，她只说这本书总是让她想起那个下雨的晚上，和空气中纯净的味道。仍然不明白是为何，只是无论如何，都找不到他了。

 

人生若只是初见。没有开始就没有结束。我们都希望那些美好可以停留在它美好着的那个时刻。

 

然而最终，却总是难逃世俗的结局。

 

 

  

哈哈哈,最像的果然是阿娇,大家不要打我.

 

 

额...不同的照片结果还不一样...

 

Is that true? Sometimes I worry so much that I have already lost the ability to find out happiness around me.

Is that true? Sometimes I ask for too much that I can not feel how lucky to own what I own now.

Is that true? sometimes I am so eager for real love that easily get myself hurt?

I am always thinking too much in cold winter. I really hate cold winter, hete every Christmas, every new year festival, valentine's day blablabla, I hate this fake fucking happy season, glorious outside but loneliness inside.

I really hate staying in this fucking stupid campus, it has nothing to do with what campus should be in my mind, internet drives my crazy, MSN drives my crazy, some people drives me crazy......

It's like I have no one to talk to, only typing and typing and typing day by day, typing to those people who don't belong to my life at all, mumbling those bullshit things which have made my life ruined, and I still have to wait for a change.

There are ppl who offer me inviatation to Singapore, Italy, U.K., Thailand.....When it begins so difficult and bothered to visit a friend? You need passport,visa, expensive air fee......and after those few days, you still back to reality.

What I really miss now are those days having passion and dream. Life in Beijing drastically freaks me out. I am sure that Beijing has a lot of great points, but freezing weather locks me indoors and almost brings some psychopathic nevous break down.

Is that true? I have to believe it is true that something's gonna change soon, gonna help me out of this, gonna bring me a life with great challenges, good friends, and real love around me.

It's a fair world. You make someone get hurt, you get hurt someday. You get something, than you lose something. A door closed, than a window opens.

So just wait. Probably it's true. Brave, brave and brave.

Driving along....

 

很意外地收到了Bertelsmann Media inside-Career Shadow Day的邮件，很意外很意外。因为前两天还在为Media inside上的糟糕表现沮丧，为认识了那么多优秀出色的人，感到有动力的一方面，更感到了巨大的压力和意识到自己的差距。没想到Bertelsmann竟然给了自己参加Career Shadow Day的机会，和Sony&BMG的GM一起工作一整天，完全地参与到Sony&BMG整个团队的运作当中。

 

So excited and amazing chance!我一定要好好把握这个机会，尽一切努力，要回本来属于自己的生活。

 

从上海回来这几天，好像还是没有适应。连续五天少于5个小时的睡眠以及生理期的不适让我的皮肤状况跌到谷底。黯淡,肤色不均匀和痘痘，让自己看上去很是憔悴。好像很久没有做面膜了，也很久没有去SPA，最近实在太忙。其实主要是心里要操心和考虑的事情太多。

 

节日的气氛又一日日浓烈起来。上周在上海的时候，恒隆门口已经开始搭圣诞树了。今年圣诞，无论如何要对得起自己，对得起自己一年的努力，一定要给自己一个大大的reward.

 

好像最近有点desperately地想要有人陪伴了。离开了属于自己的世界太长时间，我越来越体会到生活的寂寥和无奈。学习和工作是一回事，其他方面取得的成就是一回事，我终究还是离自己想要的生活越来越远。

 

Yiying说如果我喜欢高高帅帅的男生那就去寻找。的确，我一直以来，都喜欢这样的男生。如今是否高高帅帅已经不那么重要，我只想找一个单纯纯真上进善良的人，一起分享生活中的很多开心也好，困难也好，成长也好，痛苦也好。不用那么多牵绊和承诺，不用那么多沉重和负担，只是大家一起，走过人生中一段或者几段重要的路，经历一些重要的事情。

 

就算遇到这样的人。我还是会犹豫。也许有的时候自己表现地太过强势，太过自我，太过骄傲。从我懂得感情这回事开始，我就一直是一个无法欺骗自己的人。

 

想起六月份和Kid认识的时候，以及他说过的关于我们一起在Florenze看夜景的约定。从前错过的人，之后都还是发现，我是很值得珍惜的那一个。

 

生命中出现的有些人，真的是上天赐予自己的礼物。不管你们能一起走多久，抑或从未一起过，都可以让你明白很多，成长很多，都能够让你更懂自己。珍惜所有的礼物，也许有一天，最后那份大大的gift，就出现了。

Back from Shanghai, back from Media Inside. This time in Shanghai was a bit different from the past, thought I can not tell clearly what was different in detail. Anyway it is worthwhile remembered and kind of another renew of my life.

 

Met a lot of young talents on Media Inside, all of them spoke English as a mother language; all of them have a strong logical thinking; all of them are proactive and know how to express themselves in an appropriate way.

 

Bertelsmann is a great company which is so generous to provide chances for youth. Thanks a lot for the first-class flight and the four-star hotel they offered me, thanks a lot for the patient answers on my naivee questions; the most important, thanks a lot for letting me open the door of Bertelsmann.

 

Thanks to Media Inside I begin to contemplate on my career goal and interest again. As a media majored student, I am so encouraged by the power of media, which can totally change someone's life, change a community, change the whole world. However, what I am not sure now is which part of media job should I concern and concentrate myself on? I have done a lot of job on business learning this time in Media Inside, including CRM(Customer Relationship Management),Marketing, sales, and a lot of things related to consulting. All of these attracted me cause I am really so interested to find out the inner reasons hidden behind the surface, and I think investigation, marketing, datas analys and reports can tell the truth. 

 

While on the other side, I also find content-production much more suitable for my background and personality. As my weak maths knowledge and lack of business sense, I might spent much more time than others if I am taking a marketing or consulting job, no matter this has anything to do with media or not. However, content-production is much easier for me.

 

Maybe the true thing that multinationals attract me are their fatastic organization system and fair play, which means you can really control something by your own. If you really do a good job, you can really get something from that. I am not that complicated person and totally sicked by the bureaucracy inside Chinese media environment. What I can choose is just get away from that.

 

Who knows about the future? Who knows about the next journey and destination?  Maybe never any destination at all.

 

Exchange some thoughts about relationship with friends. I saw Yiying's criticism and challenge on her blog. Although I don't agree with her at all, her words reminded me to think about something. Ofcourse I have met someone who really grabed me heart away in the past. As time goes by, I am kind of lost the ability of love, not because I become more selfish than before but it's just a kind of self-protection.

 

I just can not be that brave anymore. Can not be that brave to make sure I am willing for a huge sacrifice. More sacrifie, more happiness. This is that I understand about love and relationship.

 

However, somethimes someone appears to change your life. I agree with Angela and I understand her feeling of the passion to sacrifice for a man. Maybe you two are not determined to be with each other currently because of time, space, or any kind of unchangeable situation; maybe this guy is totally different from your ideal image of a Mr.right; maybe this guy has got a few thing to do with wealthy, social position, romantic or something.......But, you just feel you enjoy being with him. That is love.

 

So just have a try. People change, while the world change as well. Maybe someday, there apears a chance that you can really be together.

 

I am telling myself to be brave, for career, for love, for the passion about life.